LilySlim - Fitness goals

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Mad at the Universe

I woke up this morning with a "hangover" from last night's pity party. That in and of itself pisses me off. How is it possible to be hungover when I haven't touched a drop of alcohol in seven months?! Augh. The emotional stress of infertility is far more powerful than any substance you can abuse like alcohol or drugs.

I just feel like life is so unfair. I am so mad. I'm mad at my ovaries and my body. I'm mad that people die of cancer at the age of 33. I'm mad that so many of us are hurting day in and day out. I'm mad that people even have to go through the suffering and loss related to infertility, miscarriages, and diseases. I'm just so mad.

I'm trying to see the positive there is in the world... it's very hard to see the light right now. Maybe making a list of the good will help?

  1. Frostie Ninja is "normal" and waiting for transfer.
  2. John. Mocha. Coda.
  3. Baseline scan looked good this morning. As long as blood work comes back normally, then we'll start prepping for our transfer tonight.
  4. Ladies from TB & Dreamers who understand.
Ok, that did help. I'm going to try to focus on the four points listed above, and force the negative out. 

I just wish this wasn't so hard.

2 comments:

  1. Can I just put a nice big FU IF here?? You said it, it really is all so hard, and so unfair. I'm sorry that you're having a rough day, the IF roller coaster is one hell of a crappy ride. Sending lots of love, and sticker spam ;) <3

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    1. FUIF is a great start. My heart feels like it is bleeding in my chest at the very sad news a dear friend received tonight. Life is so fucking unfair. I cannot believe that this shit is really happening. Chickin... I don't know if you'll read this, but I love you. I'm so sorry that this is happening. It is so unbelievably unfair. I can't fathom how this could happen...

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